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i hope this comes true... you have no idea

batman voice = comedic gold

One of the truths of life: The gravelly Christian Bale, circa Dark Knight, Batman voice makes saying pretty much anything incredibly hilarious.

Oh man, I just remembered something that my friend, Billy, and I were talking about not too long ago:

Bruce Vilanch (ie, Hollywood Squares; and by the look of him, plenty of Baker Squares) probably gets laid all the time. He'll probably get more this year than I ever will in a lifetime. All because he is famous, funny, and often on tv.

That's pretty depressing to think about. (Although, since he's gay and I'm not, I will undoubtedly get more ladies than he will.)

the nerds in my english class are always blown away when i talk about things like star wars, nintendo (or video games in general), or anything adult swim related.


today, the nerds and i were trying to remember what the mushroom in mario bros looked like, so i drew it for them and they were surprised (#1) that i knew and could draw it so quickly. then i told one of them that his mushroom looked more like boxy brown from aqua teen hunger force and he was blown away again (#2).

we started talking about how it seems like everything has a face on mario bros games. as the subject was almost exhausted, i dropped the big-surprise bomb (#3): i went on talking about how it was stupid for bullet bill to have arms. he's a bullet. what are his arms going to do? if i ever get shot at, i hope the bullets have arms and fists so they would punch me instead of kill me.

that's right, fools, i know my shit, too.



in unrelated news, i hate artie lange. he's kind of funny sometimes, but his humor is pretty gallagher-esque, "i hate fags"-type stuff that just ends up being annoying (gallagher as in the prop-comic, not noel gallagher, the musician). not to mention, if you're on the howard stern show, you're probably an asshole.

college fatties & perez hilton is weak in dreams

i SHOULD be writing/finishing my article that's due in reporting class, but i just wanted to put a reminder on here (to myself) to also write the song about the freshman 15 (i guess it's twenty now) that i just thought of. it's going to be great, i promise.

i also had my monthly battle royale dream (not the same as the japanese one. i don't know, nor am i friends with that many asians). it was really vivid earlier this morning. i woke up at 6:30 a.m. telling myself, "hey, you should write this down!" but just laid back down hoping to get back into the fight.
it started with some weird deal where i had to find some location in chicago to stop something bad from happening (maybe to prevent a bomb from exploding in a city?). then all of a sudden i was in a house and people kept showing up like it was a party. there was some crazy guy who kept wanting to kill me but i kicked his ass. as i was fighting him, someone else in the room pointed to a picture on the wall and said, "hey! it's him!" turns out he looked oddly similar to Perez Hilton, the famous celebrity-gossip blogger.
i was fighting people off left and right, when some other crazy guy pulled a knife on me. i was like "what!?" and grabbed him (at this point, he turned in to a large knife with his head at the top of the handle) and began to smash him with a hammer. while i was busting this fool to pieces, Mr. T yelled for me to come over to the other room where he was and i just yelled for him to hold on (but i said something way funnier that i can't remember).
anyway, the dream was way more awesome than this (everybody adds this statement after explaining their dream), but they're a motherfucker to remember.

i was driving around with my friend billy and after i said something, he said, "that's bloggable" and i almost instantly forgot what i said.

wow, i just realized i get nick nolte and gary busey confused. both live in their own world, but gary busey really takes the proverbial cake on this one. nick nolte just gets a proverbial slice of the proverbial cake.
























fig.1 Gary Busey






















fig.2 Nick Nolte


as you can see, it's fairly simple to confuse the two madmen.

by the way, here is some archival footage from a recently scrapped documentary about the life of gary busey:

Don Cheadle, Congratulations!

Because he just agreed to take on the role of War Machine in the next Iron Man movie, Don Cheadle just got added to my list of great actors with hypocratic roles. Here is the list as it stands now:

Don Cheadle (Hotel Rwanda vs Iron Man: War Machine)
Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast vs House Made Of Sand and Fog)
Clint Eastwood (Dirty Harry vs Bridges of Madison County)
Nick Nolte (Lorenzo's Oil vs real life)


Side note: There was a girl I liked in Omaha but she blew me off, so now Nick Nolte is once again my favorite thing that came out of Nebraska.


Unrelated to this, when you listen to friends talk about video game action, it sounds like they're just describing a bad trip. "I was watching the bomb get Billy and wasn't paying attention. Then I noticed the wall eating me and I died."

2 things:

1) I'm a quarter century old now. Kinda sad about it in a lonely way.

2) Instead of having 24 hours to feel this way, I have 25. Thanks, Daylight Savings.